First off, I just want to say that it strikes me as one of those life is unfair things that I can’t blog while soaking in the bathtub. And yes, to all the ubergeeks out there, I know that I could build me a little platform and all that, but you must remember that I am clutzy at the most inopportune moments (I know someone who did all his computer time while lounging in the tub, still strikes me as odd).
Secondly, there has been so much going on that I don’t even know where to start.
So I shall start with joy.
My heart was soaked open this past week by generosity of spirit. Yes, soaked. Blasted is too rough, eased too slow, ripped too painful. Soaked, suddenly, unexpectedly, but gently and without damage.
Onyx (and I feel okay using her (or so I assume) name as she posted it on the Pennies site (right-o, Pennies = Pennies in the Well, the podcast I host, just in case you didn’t know)), after listening to my Big-P segment on Episode 14 (which was about the impact podcast listeners can have on the podcasters, that’s it’s greater than is realized, or so my brain recalls it at the moment-I’d add links and double-check my facts but the podbean site is down so I can’t do that atm), voted for me on podcast alley and then convinced her friends to vote for me as well.
She spent time and a bit of friend coin to bump my ratings. Not that I was looking for that or that it’s something that is inherintly important to me. How to put this? I didn’t have a need to be number one on the site and I probably don’t check it more than once per week, but I’m also aware of what it takes to get to that spot and I’m thrilled and flattered to be there. It was a really beautiful gift and kindness. And a shock.
Shock that a stranger would do that.
And then I remembered that she’s not truly a stranger because there exists a connection between us. Relatively undirectional, but such is podcasting life.
This was really the first time that I felt like I was talking to more than a handful of friends, where some of those friends are just newly met and in other countries, yes, but a handful of friends nonetheless.
Last Thursday night as this whole process started, I lay in bed staring at the stars (there are stars painted astronomically correct on my ceiling so it’s not as delusional as it sounds) and feeling my heart open.
I had carried a nervousness, self-doubt, fear around along with my joy in doing Pennies. I had imagined the listening world for it to be small.
Instead it blossomed open, her generosity of spirit touched me and I was able to let go of my self-doubt and let in trust and belief. These are two things that are hard for me but that is a set of topics for other days.
I lay there staring at the stars and felt appreciated and that I’d served and served well. Joy. I was soaked in joy.
The next day it was off to Pirates and Faeries, a party on the lake with sixty some odd old and new friends who co-create a wonderful magical world. Pictures are on my facebook site as they involve other people for the most part, though I will hopefully get a few posted here. But not tonight.
This never never land we created was also filled with joy, with each other, with the magic, with the freedom to experience and laugh and, yes, cry, all of it without reservation.
And it was the people that made it so wonderful. From my covenmates to complete strangers, everyone was engaged and involved with each other, and where there were a few tensions those people just glided past each other with nothing more or less than a nod.
There was always a helping hand, a ready smile, a mischievous idea to play out.
And all of it framed by our co-created sacred space.
There is a special joy that comes from the connections we have with other people. There is a special joy that one person’s actions can have on us, simply because they acted.
“and my love is poured out upon the earth”
I’ve felt this joy before, but not from the podcast and not two such heart fulfilling moments so close together. Thank you to everyone who played a part in both of them. And it touches me how many people that actually is.
And now I have “joy to the world, all across the world, all the boys and girls, joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea, joy to you and me” stuck in my head.
Joy to you and yours.
~the abysmal witch.