It’s strange, being on the verge of crossing a threshold you’ve wanted to cross for years. The desire to change my life has been building for a long time. In the last couple of months it’s as if all of it has come to fruition almost at once.
This is my second to last night in my home of 11 years. It saw me through my maturation as an adult. It feels now as if it was my chrysalis and I now emerge out of that old life, changed and perhaps ready to be the girl I always meant to be.
The tug to leave this place started some time ago but it was weak compared to my enjoyment of the place, the comfort I felt in its security. Comforts, that’s all lot of what this place was about. Then the balance of that, of my enjoyment and that pull, it started to tip.
The need to leave, to change, to become was outweighing the happy, the familiar, the expected. Expected by me of myself as I let myself identify with the rest of the world, to let that part of me that is of the mundane reign and enjoy the enjoyable things in life.
I tip and I let go.
Second to last night in one of the two biggest markers of this chrysalis time. And the other may be bigger, but lacks the dramatic thrust of this one to me. Of the me-who-was. Her life. It is a-changing. The sail is set, the moorings pulled, the roller coaster tumbles down the far side in joyous abandon to gravity.
Held framed in trust by all that I am, have become, blossomed into. Trusting myself and in all that I am, no part left out, to do what I need, to manage and to dance.
Dance the manage.
Dance the tipping.
Dance the deepest, truest essence of who you are and She is there and He walks by your side.
It’s all about dancing, didn’t you know?