This weekend I danced with the divine feminine. I swirled into chaos and darkness. I laughed and loved.
I was with Ancestors, I was with community, I was with friends, I was with Goddess, I was with myself.
There has been so much darkness, so much glitch and strife and difficult steps. Nothing has come easy this year. Ha! An absolute suggests lies – there are things that have gone beautifully well and I have been repeatedly swept away by the generosity of the people around me.
And yet, whenever I have tried to take a step forward, to make a different choice, a healthier movement into my future, I have been swept into a vortex of problems.
I am tired of problems. I am tired of glitches and snags and difficulties. I am sick to death of failing.
It is the internal failing, the being lost to fear, doubt, deeper fear, guilt and shame. Did I mention fear? That leaves me broken. And yet I get up again.
On Friday the 13th I got up to have friends share the evening with me. We slow danced backwards and widdershins, holding anger, disgust, fear at our fingertips, and embraced the unknown of the future with determination, acceptance, and change.
We spent the evening in laughter and conversation, sipping mead and eating fabulous food. Love overflowed and we knew ourselves privileged to be with other authentic people. No lies, no veils, no masks, shadows welcome. Honest of who we are, where we are, what we are.
The next day the Goddess embraced me in a new and deeper way. She took my heart into her and holds it, safe. The divine feminine flowed through me. I was re-set and awoken into Her lines of power.
I do not know if I will arrive at where I seek. The journey is long, painful, overwhelming. I am not enough for Her service. I am all in Her service.
The Abysmal Witch
Addendum. The power of Halloween the 13th, as I liked to call this past Friday, struck many of us and in different ways. I have been gifted with a view of myself, spoken by the warrior bard on behalf of He with One Eye. I thank my friend. I thank the God.