Discombobulation…and closet re-orgs.

Do you ever feel that way?  Just discombobulated in everything.  Things not fitting together in quite the right way.

Oh, the majority of my pieces of things have been really great.  No, seriously, aside from when I want to kill him, having my partner move in with me has been a fabulous thing (if you had asked me last year if I would be living with someone the following year I would have snorted my kahlua and chocolate milk all over you); my job has changed which has brought challenges both interesting and painful; my coven has changed which has been unadulterated goodness.  Despite my partner being a foodie, I’ve kept my body in the shape that makes me happy.  There are two new (1 as of yesterday!) slithery bodies in the house (we now have a ball python, a desert king and a corn snake).  I’ve started dancing again in small doses.  I can feel the magic around me, swirling, pulling, daring.

So many different pieces, trying to get them to align in the best way possible, to find my way in my severely changing world order has been interesting.  And a challenge.  And while that is mostly under control, it has left me with a sense of not really knowing where from here.

I mean, sure, you’d think that I’d just settle in, that I would savour getting everything resolved and organized (we got the last of the boxes unpacked yesterday).

Apparently not quite.

Oh, I’m savouring.  Hell yeah!  But how will this all work going forward?  The most wonderful option would be if it would all just work out with no effort and no planning.

Ha!

That’s what the universe says to that.  Or I say to the universe.  Depends on the day.

Today I feel somewhat combobulated.  It makes a nice change but I don’t trust it.  It could easily just slip away into the dis and I get left once more floating in a sea of not-necessarily-articulated options and pulls.  Pulls being our interests, desires, wants and needs.

Hmmm, I wonder if this is what a closet or drawer feels like when you pull or dump everything out of it, sort through it all and then start working on getting it all back in, minus a few pieces, perhaps with space for a few (planned?) new items, and everything hopefully making more sense as you put it back into a probably re-configured space.  I think I’m at the contemplating parts going back in and where the best places are for things and what will get left out and what kind of space will be left over for the other important things that I’ve wanted to put into it but never had the room for.

It’s an interesting time.  I really want my “closet” re-org finished.  I’d like to move on to other things, thank you very much, Universe.  Just saying.

Deep and wild blessings to one, to all, and to you in particular.

~Saturn

~The Abysmal Witch

Quest 2012: February

In our last post, our intrepid villain was lying beneath a blanket of stars, watching swirling laser lights and feeling more than a little joyous from the experience.  What would happen next?  Would she find another live event in February?  Would it be similar to the laser show?  Would she try something completely different?  Stay tuned for the next installment of the Abysmal Witch’s Quest 2012!

February brought with it something completely different.  The cold winds were blowing, the world spinning, it was time to do something I had never done before.

I went to the opera.

That’s right.  Opera.  My very first time.  I went to UBC’s Student Opera because, well, I could afford it.  🙂  Quests have to be doable on multiple levels, you know!  Luckily for me, my friend Holly enjoys opera and so I did not need to go alone.  Phew!  In case you are wondering, we saw Rusalka which is a Czech opera that is a version of the Little Mermaid.  Very different from Disney, I hasten to add.  Stage was beautiful & simple but  I was much surprised by the big ass screen hovering over the top of the stage.

I came to love that screen.

It told me everything I didn’t understand from listening to the singing.  Thank gods for surtitles.

And yes, the singing was lovely.  I did not sit there and contemplate just how much longer until FREEDOM which I take to be a good sign.  I was ready to go by the end, though.  I thought the male lead was a bit of an ass, but then, the male lead of the Little Mermaid always seems to be a bit of an ass.  The nature of the role I tend to believe.

Ran into some pagan friends there and I had a lovely discussion about the OTO during intermission while Holly chatted with someone else we know.  It’s a small world, you know.

So the year started with a rock laser show and then we moved over to classical opera.  Where next? you ask?  Our intrepid questing villainess, what roads did she next travel?  What entertainment lures were thrown across her path that she found herself having to follow with cries of “Shiny!”?

You’ll have to wait for the next installment of Abysmal Questing 2012.

Quest 2012: January

This post starts with a story and like all good quest stories, I didn’t realize I was in a quest until I was in the midst of it.  I should clarify that this doesn’t make this a good story, just that in quests it is often the case that the hero doesn’t realize s/he’s in a quest until later on.  But then sometimes they do…and I could argue myself in circles so on with the questing!

How did this whole questing thing start?  Well, allow me to inform you…

You see, by the time March rolled around I realized that I had bought tickets for a variety of live events of various (and I mean various!) natures, one per month from January through May.  So, says I to myself, why not continue this trend?  Why not make 2012 my year of live events?  I could steep myself in a variety of different cultural experiences. And have a lot of fun doing it.  Last year was the year of staying in (not by choice) so this year is the year of getting out!  Throughout and about.*

I’ve got a plan now that will take me through to August.  September through December have no particular plans yet, but it’s still early for that so I’m not worried.  And one of those months I’ll hit a jazz club, so really it’s just three months of booking left to do.

So what started off this year, you ask?  What wonderful experience gave balance to the pain of January?  Well, something a little bit left of the standard and expected live events.

I, and about a dozen of my wacky friends, made our way down to the H. R. MacMillan Space Centre (i.e. planetarium) to watch the Pink Floyd Laser shows from Roundhouse Productions.  After 33 years, the planetarium did not renew their contract.  January was their final month of performances.  A tragic loss from my point of view because there was something fabulous and magical about the experiences they created.

Now you may be thinking that a laser show does not count as live entertainment.  Oh contraire, mes amis (pardon my poor spelling of french, it was never my best subject), there has always been a live component to the laser show, some crazy (appearing? lol) dude at a console playing with our minds.  Because, as he put it, “there is absolutely zero smoking within the planetarium…you should have done that while you were still in the parking lot”.  Yes, smoking, cookies, and other mind-altering foods made an appearance that night and enhanced the experience.

We watched The Wall followed by Dark Side of the Moon.  I understand that this show has sort of gone on the road.  If you get the chance, go see!  It really was just a great time.  Also fun hanging out with friends.  There was a lot of chatting and catching up and just spending time with good people.

And pretty lights and lots of swirling stars and leaning back in seriously reclined seats staring at the sky and multi-coloured laser lights doing funky dances.

There is something deep core satisfying about a great art experience, almost as if some stressed part of me was soothed by the event.  I wish I could go again but there I shall not dwell for that road leads to sadness.  Instead, I will start planning my tale to you of February which went a completely and utterly different way.

Until next time I shall simply leave you with these short questions:  What will our intrepid villaness get up to in February?  Will the different take her to a place that is scary to go?  Will the dog get the bone?

To passion!

~the abysmal witch

*Obscure Wiccan reference, special batty points to anyone who gets it.  😀

I’m alive!

Yes, it’s true and not just a vicious rumour spread by nazis.  I live, and breathe, and–oh, wait, that’s right, I declared “breathing is for pussies” a couple of months ago due to the insanity that my life had become.

It still is rather insane, but I’ve missed you and so here I am, sneaking in a quickie before my lunch hour runs out.

I know I owe some yule related posts (even though we’re heading to Beltaine, the lessons are always pertinent) but I have a new and fun quest going for 2012 that I want to share first. But not right now.  Right now, this is just a fast and rough post (up against a wall?  naughty!) to say where I’ve been.

Right where I always am, would be the simple answer, but under ever so much more stress and strain, both good and bad.

As I think I’ve mentioned, I got a promotion January 1st.  My work world went to rabid hell.  Hell because it went rabid, you see.  OMG the shit I still need to get done.  Just keep breathing–oh, right, that’s for pussies.  I don’t need to breathe.

Almost or about a month ago (I have no sense of time) out of almost the blue strangely, my coven expanded from two to five.  It’s been fucking fabulous, but that’s a lot of new relationships to build!

And in January I started seeing someone.  I will only say on this that it (and he) is unlike any relationship I’ve had before.  And that, naturally, has also taken a lot of time.

Perhaps things are starting to settle into a routine.  Or perhaps I’ve just been jonesing to connect.  Either way, I’m sincerely hoping you’ll be hearing much more from me again.  Starting now.  Because I say so, dammit!

Love out to all of you!

Saturn

~The Abysmal Witch (back from her unexpected hiatus)

Practicality, Physicality & Mysticality

I would like to preface this addition to my exploration of managing time & energy by saying that I have been working on this type of thing for a long time. Not this way, perhaps, and not nearly to the same effect, but that’s kinda my point.  For some people they pick this stuff up and never look back.  Me?  I need to revisit my lessons repeatedly before they get through the thickness of my skull.  That being said, on with the blog…

Periodically I like to (pretend to) get organized.  I list out all the things I want to do in day-to-day living and then I look at how they will possibly fit into the actual time available.

Then my shoulder hunches, my eyelid twitches and weird sounds echo from my mouth.  Because I end up with a combination of overwhelming and impossible.  Cue mental meltdown and failure of whole plan.

Being me, I started doing the same thing this New Year’s.  Did I mention I need repeated lessons on things?

But this time, this time I stopped.

I was already feeling anxious and twitchy just by trying to make the list.  It isn’t possible to live the life I want in the time I want.

Not in the way I was thinking about it anyway.

Time to simplify!  Ah, the joys of simplification.

So instead of squeezing things in and giving everything its time, I realized that my workday evenings generally go in three stages.  On any given day what happens in a particular stage is likely to be different, but the stages are the same.

Already my shoulder was coming out of its quasimoto state.

Stage one:  Practicality.

Upon achieving the blissful state of “thank gods I’m home”, or even in the semi-blissful state of “I’m headed home”, that is the time for me to do the practical things.  If I put them off until later, they will likely never get done (boy have I proven that more times than I care to think of or am capable of remembering!).

So I get home (or on the way home do errands) and cook, eat, tidy, clean, answer email, deal with whatever practical crap needs to get dealt with.  Only for an hour, hour and a half max.  And then it’s done!  Cue happy relaxation music.

Stage two:  Physicality

Ah, the joys of my life.  Physio is here to stay.  Every day is physio, either short or extended depending on what other physical things might happen that day (still in swimming lessons so on those days, much less physio and longer time in this stage).  But it’s a do what my body needs time and one of the highest importance things in my world given what happens if I don’t do it.

Eye twitch starts to disappear as I see how this can be easily and practically applied.

Stage three:  Mysticality
This is where things get more interesting (read difficult).  There are a lot of things I want to do, to accomplish, to experience.  I want to write, bead, blog, meditate, ritual, play, talk, etc etc.  How to schedule it all in?
Right, make it simple!
These are all things I love to do, and ultimately bring me to a place of spiritual/mystical enjoyment when I look into their depths.  They feed my spirit or soul or both.  And if I’m doing something that isn’t feeding that greater part of me, then it damned well doesn’t belong in this section.  No need to plan specifics, just plan the space and time to do what brings me bliss.
This I can do.
But wait, what about a break?  That’s a large part of my 2012 resolution and behavioural change is getting in and really using those breaks to my advantage.  Right, so between stage 2 and 3 I take a break. I go out on my balcony, breath fresh air (and sometimes other things), relax and let go.  Then I’m prepared to come back in and get into whatever it is that needs to be got into.
So far (yeah, only two days, but a good two days!) so good.  And it’s the enjoyment that makes it more likely to continue.
And now, I’m overdue for that break!  Buenos noches, amigos!
~Abysmal Witch

Hunting Wabbits to the Hollow.

The sharing of bliss is not done, but it will come in its time.

This time is for something else.  It is the quiet, the still, the pause between times when the world rests, sits, takes a deep breath in preparation for the work ahead.

The work will come soon enough.  It waits at the tips of us, our fingers, noses and tongues, but it will wait just a little bit longer.

For now we rest in the hollow.

It is still here.  Silent.

Space.

The room for all things within us, without us, between us all.  Nothing is held onto here, no preconception, need or desire, expectation or haunt can remain, clinging to us, when we enter the hollow and stay to it.  Despite the pushings and pullings or our normal nature.

It is when the tug-o-war ceases that you know you have arrived.  Visits can be very short or very long, but always they change us.

Transformed.

It is different here, change comes more easily once the commitment to change is forgotten and being, just being, sets in.

So long as you continue to hunt wabbits, the hollow cannot take you.  But hunting wabbits can lead you to the hollow.

The hollow is everywhere.  It is perception and duty and life that keeps us from settling in to it.

It is our own misconceptions that keep us from knowing it.

Our fears lace us into a corset of requirement.  Keep us from knowing the fullness of our Selves.

Sssshhhhhhhh.  Listen quietly.  See softly.

Rest empty.

~Abysmal Witch

My Top 10 Halloween Season Movies

Well, I’m still trying to find my camera so that I could bring you the behind the scenes piece on Monster Mash-Up 2011.  So instead, here are my top 10 Halloween Season movies, in absolutely no particular order:

Halloween.  All of ’em, pretty much, though Season 3 tends to leave me cold.  The Rob Zombie remakes are great (well, the first one is great, the second has moments of brilliance and moments of bizarreness, so go where you will).  And I’m particularly fond of H20.  There’s something about it that just gives me the Halloween Warm Fuzzies.

Rocky Horror Picture Show. I mean, come on.  How much more in the twisted, spooky vein do you need to get?  Frankenstein’s monster, zombies, sluts and aliens all in one.  😀

Nightmare Before Christmas.  Though I’m semi-tempted to put this on the Christmas list.  But Halloween mostly wins.  “This is Halloween”: damn song will get stuck in your head for ages.  Bell, Book and Candle could also be said to be a cross-over, all about witches but set at Christmastime.  Go figure.

Corpse Bride.  “A wedding, we’re going to have a wedding!”  It’s a fun little romp through the land of the dead.  If you haven’t gone down this movie road, you really should.  And for a corpse, the bride is pretty hot.

Wizard of Oz.  It’s on the lighter side, and yet so funly marvelous.  Scary witches and flying monkeys, what more can a girl ask for?  Right, teally great shoes.

Sweeny Todd.  Still in the land of musicals, we are, but moving back to the blood and the gore.  Nasty death galore, but with songs.  How lovely.

Zombie movies.  Yeah, okay, so this was cheating, but seriously, how do you pick your best?  There’s the classic Night of the Living Dead and the modern mocking of Shaun of the Dead & Fido.  28 Days Later will freak you with their super-speed and the nasty commentary on humanity.  Zombieland should be issued as a teaching video.  Resident Evil has given me nightmares (gah, stuck with the red queen in my dreams, was most disturbing). And the list could continue.

Evil Dead & co.  Don’t read from the book!   hehehe.  This one more so for me after seeing the live play version.

Hmmm, combining a bunch together has made these last two slots much harder.  I’m racking my head, but it’s a bit hard.  My head, that is.

Exorcist movies are certainly a decent choice.  The original will always be marvelous and I rather like Lost Souls which I tend to think of in the same general vein.  But they’re not overly Halloweenie, just scary.  Still, they fill a spot on the list.

Oh, if only I owned it, I’m sure I would watch it.  Puff’n’stuff.  Damn, that would make a fine Halloween movie, don’t you think?  Witchypoo can’t be beat.

And finally, the Wicker Man.  Perfectly classic.

On a different day I might give you a different list, but today, this is my top 10 (uh, 11) Halloween Season movies.

So what do you watch in preparation of the season?

~Abysmal Witch

Rapture

“Let thine innermost divine self be enfolded in the rapture of the infinite.”

Screw waiting for God to reach down and pluck me up in a swirl of sparkling lights and falling dust motes of my once solid body.  I’ll take my own Self into rapture, thank you.

And you can too.  Really anyone can if they are willing to invest the time, energy and self-discovery (youch!) necessary for full acceptance, integration and through those the expansion into All.

I am divine.  No, I am Divine.  That is, DIVINE.  Not just fabulous, wonderful or glorious.  Nope, move beyond all that, all those limited edges and realize that the fullness of divinity resides within and thus we within It.

Hold to your divine self.  Slide into it, Be It.  And the Universe, the All, opens before you.  Petals of the golden flower unfold with a blush of warmth, rich scent and delicate traces of moisture.  It is All.  And you are It.  You are in it and in one and in One become All.

And rapture comes, is, has always been waiting, present, unknown and longing.  It is, all around, all through us, because it is All.

Rapture.  Spiritual orgasm beyond any conceivable human scale.  Hell yeah.

Rapture on, fellow seekers!

~Abysmal Witch

p.s.  I am completely sober 😛

The Not Lost Art of the passing Head Nod

As I was out walking today (and there will be another post later because there are pictures to be had!), enjoying the sunshine and mildly envious of the crowds out picnicking and bbq’ing (how I love bbq’d food), I cheerfully nodded to many of those I passed.

Not really a big deal, it’s jut a head nod.  So how does it rate a blog post?

Because I have a feeling it’s something that just isn’t done that much anymore.  And it makes me feel good and connected, and therefore I want to share it and give others the opportunity to enjoy it (assuming all of you aren’t already doing this and I’m the late bloomer of the crowd).

The first time I really noticed it was many many years ago when I first started to play in the SCA  (Society for Creative Anachronism – recreating the middle ages as they should have been, similarish to a ren fair).  Several hundred people at the festival site, dressed up and not very appropriately for the weather, all of them strangers to me (I knew 3 people on site).  And everywhere I went people nodded to me.  The nods tended to be slow, stately, and accompanied with a smile.

What a wonderful feeling they gave me.

I was connected suddenly with all of these strangers.  I was alone and knew no one, but I felt welcomed in and accepted, all by a boatload of simple head nods.

When I got home from that weekend I noticed that the head nodding continued.  It was a very quickly acquired habit.  So there I was, the very next day, on a walk on my lunch break, and nodding at every person I passed.   Okay, not all, but those that made eye contact with me got themselves an actual, certified, Saturn head nod.

And you know what?

Those people nodded back.

I’ve been doing it ever since.

It is the smallest thing ever.  Just this little movement of the head.  And with it you acknowledge the other person as a fellow human being walking on this planet, just as you are.  And you are acknowledged in return.

It is a most remarkable affirmation that costs nothing, not in money, not in time, not in effort (if you consider a head nod effortful, you seriously need to get moving more).

And you might say that the result is equally small.  But give it a try first.  See how you feel as you walk along, meet someone eye’s and nod your head at them with a little smile.  And they do the same back.

Okay, sure, not everyone will meet your eyes, not all people nod back (though most who make eye contact do nod), but enough that I, at least, start feeling connected again.

And it’s not just ‘the older generation’ that nods back (though I guess they probably are more likely to), but people of all ages react positively to this small courtesy.

If you’ve never tried it, give it a shot.  Let me know how it works for you.  If you’re also a head nodder, high five!  With a head nod.  😀

~Abysmal Witch